One of the greatest challenges in being a Mossad agent is probably going to surprise you – it’s learning to cope with boredom. You sign up, expecting action, travel, late nights sneaking around, shootouts with evil terrorists, and all that fun stuff. The reality is so different. We rarely get to really kill people. and honestly, the majority of our “hits” are stuff we didn’t even get to do!
The most exciting thing that’s happened to me in a while was getting picked to write this blog! We were sitting in the Big Guy’s office talking about who was going to go on which mission. There are certain agents that they always send out to the field – and then others, like me, that go out less and less.
When I first started about a dozen years ago, I was out there most of the time. I was assigned to Europe. I speak four European languages – all with perfect local accents. It was my job to track down terrorist cells and try to figure out what they are planning. Then we’d tell the local European connections. They’d thank us and sometimes invite us in for the bust and live was good.
For the last few years, we don’t need to track anything down – the terrorist are putting their plans on the Internet, for God’s sake! And if we tell the locals that some terrorist dude is planning a ramming attack, they tell us to leave him alone, that he’s mentally ill…and anyway, he’s unlikely to really carry out the attack, right?
See that “right?” at the end of the sentence? That’s what they ask us – right? So we look at them, we ask them if they are f-ing morons, and tell them of course the dude is planning on ramming his way to heaven. We tell them we’ve got the proof…they tell us it’ll be okay.
So, the Mossad stopped sending me to Europe and told me to start writing a blog. I told them I’ve never written a blog in my life. What the hell do I know about writing. I was taught to jump walls, wrestle people to the ground, scent out danger. Blog? Are you kidding me?
They gave me a raise. I didn’t want a raise – I was hoping for a new weapon! I got a raise. What should I write about, I asked.
Tell them what it’s like to be a Mossad agent, they answered. Okay well, I’ll try to think of some more topics, but for now, this one’s easy. Boring.
On the bright side…I finally got that puppy I was thinking about. What should I name him…that’s the question. Stay tuned and I’ll let you know…